When a person living with dementia repeatedly says they “want to go home,” or expresses longing for their mother, they are often communicating emotional distress—not simply a desire to relocate. Using person-centered language, we can reframe this expression as a call for comfort, familiarity, or emotional connection.
What “Home” and “Mother” Mean in Dementia
- “Home” may be a feeling, not a place. Because short-term memory fails early, the meaning of “home” may refer to a childhood house, past community, or time when life felt safe and predictable—not necessarily the person’s current residence.
- Longing for “mother” or a maternal figure may reflect deep emotional needs for love, care, safety, or belonging—not an actual missing parent, especially in advanced dementia.
Emotional Drives Behind the Expression
Expressions like “I want to go home” often arise from unmet core needs—fear, insecurity, loneliness, boredom, physical discomfort (e.g., thirst, hunger), or overstimulation. Anxiety or disorientation can intensify when someone is placed in unfamiliar surroundings or has moved recently.
Person-Centered Responses and Strategies
Acknowledge and Validate
- Begin by exploring the emotion behind the words: “You seem worried—is there something you need?” or “Tell me more about home” invites understanding rather than outright correction.
- Avoid arguing about reality: instead, enter their emotional world through validation therapy and gentle reframing.
Check Physical and Emotional Needs
- Quickly assess whether the person is hungry, tired, needing the bathroom, or in pain. Addressing these immediate needs can reduce distress.
Empathic Redirection and Engagement
- Offer a calming activity—reminiscing with photos, familiar music, a quiet walk, or a simple chore like folding socks or making tea—to redirect attention.
Create a Micro “Home” Experience
- Design a personal space filled with familiar cues—family photos, favorite objects, familiar music—that evoke comfort and memory rather than confusion.
Environment and Routine Design
- Consistent daily routines, calm sensory environments, and familiar cues help reduce anxiety when the context feels unpredictable.
Ethical Considerations and Balance
- Avoid forcibly reality-orienting statements such as “you’re safe here” or “you already live here,” as these can increase frustration and hopelessness.
- A person-centered framework focuses not on correcting a person’s perception, but on meeting the emotional need with kindness: companionship, reassurance, and empathy.
When someone living with dementia says they want to go home or long for their mother, we can honor their experience by seeing the emotional message beneath the words. Through compassionate listening, physical comfort, empathic engagement, and memory-rich environments, caregivers and loved ones can provide emotional safety and gently restore a sense of belonging—even when memory fails.
References
- “Responding When a Person With Dementia Wants to Go Home” – Verywell Health (updated Oct 18 2024) ACL Administration for Community Living
- “I want to go home – What to say to someone with dementia in care” – Alzheimer’s Society UK (Dec 2024) Alzheimer’s Society
- Alzheimer Society British Columbia: “Wanting to go home” in dementia Alzheimer Society of Canada
- CarePatrol: “Understand Why Dementia Patients Say ‘I Want To Go Home’” (2021–2023) CarePatrol
- Alzheimer’s Association: Wandering and confusion in location recognition (2025) Alzheimer’s Association
- Practical Neurology: Wandering and critical incidents in dementia (~2022) Practical Neurology
- Recent qualitative study on care-home culture and environment to reduce disorientation (2024) Taylor & Francis Online
